k*Joy

This morning I was able to go to the gym.

Without a kid...without a stroller....without a diaper bag...without a bottle...without a husband.....without extra diapers...without having to get there early to drop him off in the kid area.

Just me and my ipod and water which I actually was able to remember to bring b/c I didn't have to bring all of the things listed in the sentence before this. All I had to worry about was myself.

Glorious.

I took a class. It felt so good after the wide variety of crappy holiday food I ate yesterday. I admit it tasted good. But I felt nasty last night. When you are use to eating pretty healthy and then you don't, it stinks. I guess it's kind of like a hangover from alcohol.

So I'm in the back of the "studio", feeling good, jumping and flailing my arms all around to the beat of some pop song. The following things started to go through my mind:

"Gosh....I look so frumpy in my shorts."
"Those ladies have cute little outfits. I wish I could go get some cute outfits like that."
"I wish I would tan. I'm just so white. My legs are just not cute."
"I should really get some highlights in my hair. But that costs money. It must be so nice to not have to worry about money."
"I am not in sync with the rest of my class. I'm not coordinated at this. I don't want the teacher to think I'm retarded." (When they were going to the left, I was going to the right.)
"That instructor must have had a boob job. Seriously. That's not natural."

And eventually I just let it go. Mentally I said, "STOP IT!!!" [It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galations 5:1]


I feel like recognizing what I was doing to myself was the key moment. Years ago I would be thinking the same things and not even realize it. [I was blind but now I see!!!]

After stopping my mental parade of "You are retarded" thoughts, it actually felt good to let go and not feel like I was doing everything perfect. (And who FREAKIN' CARES WHAT YOU wear to the gym. It's the gym.)

It's just nice to enjoy what I was doing instead of worrying about all of the other stuff.

During the class some of the cardio moves felt like dancing and it was just fun to get into it a little and have fun doing something silly. HAVE FUN....what is that really like? I need to figure out how to do that better.

My husband can have fun with anything. WHY AM I CRAZY? He would like to know that too. :)

I left the gym feeling good. Feeling good about my break from wife/motherhood. Feeling good about exercising. Feeling good about the sunshine and excited to go home to my husband and son.

I wish I would have been aware of this sooner in life. It would have been so nice as I look back at life. Though life is a journey...as they say.

Thankfully my journey is headed straight to glory. YAY! Until then, I will continue on this "back and forth, one step forward, two steps back" walk with Christ and hopefully experience a lot more of God's glory in my life on earth.